Unmatched prayers, love, compassion, and brotherhood

In November & December of 2024 and January of 2025, I felt God placing on my heart that I needed to step out in faith and look for opportunities to grow. I had been attending church, praying, reading the word, but really not growing as much as I wanted. I was experiencing depression over the loss of a job a few years prior, and really not enjoying my current role in my new company. 

I truthfully did not explore options for growth with my whole heart. But I did notice on Instagram I was seeing posts for the Redeemed. After a while of seeing them it hit me that this might be a way to “get my feet wet” so to speak and start to grow myself. In early January, I took the opportunity to join the Pain, Passion and Purpose group that was starting at the end of the month, not at all knowing where life was about to lead me.

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On January 17th, 2025 I came home from work. After a while of doing tasks around the house, my wife came home, and we decided to order dinner. I went upstairs to see what our daughters wanted from our go-to hamburger place. Upon entering my oldest daughter’s room, I found her body on her floor. She had taken her own life earlier in the day. In an instant, my life had gone from mundane with basic struggles to being in shambles. It was the day before her 17th birthday and only 3 days before my birthday… all our weekend plans turned from excitement to absolute despair, devastation, hopelessness, and pain. 

Grief-stricken, numb and broken, I felt utterly lost and alone even surrounded by family. Every moment dragged on, and I was consumed with guilt, heartache, and pain like I had never felt in my entire life. I lacked any understanding of how or why this could happen. How could God allow such a beautiful life to be cut so short? All our plans to watch her grow into herself, go to prom, graduate from high school, go off to college, get married, have kids, and be ours melted away and turned to emptiness. 

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I turned to God and prayed endlessly each day. While in the middle of praying and diving into Scripture, I received a Whatsapp notification that Payton had created a chat for our group that would be starting soon. He was asking each of us to introduce ourselves and tell a little bit about our story. Honestly, I had completely forgotten about that group, and I considered just ignoring the messages and moving on. I felt fairly confident that God had forsaken me. I don’t remember how long it took me to respond, but eventually God compelled me to lean into my new circumstances. I wrote down a brief explanation of what my family had just been dealt in life and clicked send. It may have been the heaviest of messages I had ever written. 

The response was nothing short of amazing. Many of the men responded immediately. The love the men of that group conveyed was powerful and showed me that I was not alone. I could feel their prayers. I needed it. I needed to know God was still there. I needed men I could share my pain with, who would respond with compassion, caring and godly wisdom. I didn’t have that, and The Redeemed provided it at the exact moment I needed it. 

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A few weeks later I joined in our first meeting and felt a brotherhood very quickly. No judgement, no hypocrisy, just men being honest with each other. I can’t recall a time in my life where I have felt that before. The men I was raised around and that I became friends with in life joked with one another and shared a strong bond, but never a godly bond where we raised each other up, prayed for one another, and held each other accountable for growth. The Redeemed has meant so much to me as I navigate my new reality. I joined a second group and intend on joining more. 

In the immediate days after Rachel passed away, the outpouring of love was immense but inevitably the world has moved on around me, and her passing and life isn’t mentioned as much anymore except by those closest with us. However, the men of the Redeemed have continued to pray for us, show love to us, and reach out to me when things are tough. Payton even remembered to the day how many days it had been since her passing when nobody but my wife and I had been counting. 

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I am thankful for the Redeemed, and I give thanks to God for this group, this brotherhood. It has kept me moving forward when my world could have easily been derailed completely. The prayers, love, compassion, understanding, and brotherhood has been unmatched. God is good. 

While the road will never be the same, and the bumps in that road seem larger than ever, I know goodness still exists and that God still has plans for me.