The Discipline of Self-Denial: Why Christian Men Need Prayer and Fasting
Self Denial > Self Indulgence
This “treat yourself” mentality has become so normal in our culture that we rarely question it. Instead, we justify overspending, excuse overeating, and convince ourselves that endless scrolling is normal. We reward ourselves for surviving the week and soothe ourselves when life gets heavy. None of it seems dangerous in the moment, but over time, a subtle shift happens: We accumulate more and more, yet feel less and less satisfied. Our appetites grow, but our joy shrinks.
For Christian men seeking spiritual growth, this kind of living quietly reshapes us. It trains us to chase relief instead of resilience, comfort instead of character, ease instead of endurance. We become reactive rather than intentional, distracted rather than disciplined. And while the culture promises fullness, it leaves us restless, numb, and spiritually stagnant.
Jesus offers a radically different and countercultural way of living—one that calls us away from self-indulgence and self-denial, inviting us to “deny ourselves and take up our cross” (Matthew 16:24; Luke 9:23). Prayer and fasting are two of the primary ways we step into that call. These are not abstract ideas or extreme practices, but intentional disciplines that train us to loosen our grip on ourselves and reorient our lives around Christ.
So as the new year begins, begin with God—less of you, more of him—and grow deeper in your Christian walk. Here’s a prayer and fasting guide to get you started.
Prayer: Choosing Dependence Over Self-Reliance
Prayer is often the discipline men struggle with most. It can feel inefficient and awkward. It can even seem unproductive—like it’s time we should be doing something. But prayer isn’t about productivity; it’s about proximity.
At its core, prayer chooses dependence on God over our own self-reliance. It’s the daily practice of placing ourselves before God and admitting that we desperately need him. Prayer slows us down enough to root us in who we are and who God is.
John Mark Comer often describes prayer as learning to live with God rather than for him. When we pray, we aren’t trying to impress God with our words or convince him to act; rather, we’re opening ourselves to his presence, collaborating with him to “bend reality” toward his good purposes. Over time, prayer reshapes our inner world. It quiets the noise, exposes our anxieties, and aligns our will with his.
And here’s the good news: Your prayers don’t need to be long or polished. Jesus himself warned against praying to be seen or heard (Matthew 6:5-8). What matters is consistency. Show up each day and bring your frustrations, doubts, hopes—even distractions—to the table. And when your words run thin or fall short? Practice silence. Simply listen. After all, prayer should be less monologue and more dialogue. Give God a chance to speak into your life, too.
Men who pray regularly and without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) become men who are more anchored in God and increasingly attentive to his voice. And more prayer will lead to more self-denial for the Christian life.
Fasting: Training Our Hunger for God
Another spiritual discipline that will lead to transformation and growth is fasting, a practice that teaches us to depend on God.
Fasting is the intentional practice of abstaining from something good—most often food—to awaken a deeper hunger for God. Jesus assumed his followers would fast, saying, “When you fast…”, not if you fast (Matthew 6:16). Yet for many of us, fasting feels extreme, unnecessary, and even downright miserable.
But discomfort is the whole point.
Theologian and author Richard Foster explains that fasting, more than any other spiritual discipline, reveals the things that control us. When we remove food, comfort, or convenience, what rises to the surface isn’t always hunger, but impatience, anger, anxiety, or a craving for distraction. Fasting reveals where we run when life feels uncomfortable. Instead, it invites us to run to God in surrender.
But don’t be mistaken. Fasting isn’t about earning God’s favor. It’s not about checking off a box on your list of “spiritual to do’s.” It’s about creating space to listen, repent, and realign your heart. It’s intentional self-denial that reminds us that food doesn’t sustain us. God does. Over time, fasting trains us to say no to our own desires so we can say yes to his desires for us. It builds spiritual resilience— the ability to remain faithful even when obedience feels costly.
A Call to Courage for Christian Men
The goal of prayer and fasting isn’t to master spiritual disciplines; it’s to work toward greater union with God. We are to continue the hard work of self-denial in order to grow. Prayer and fasting will no doubt stretch you. They will confront habits you didn’t know had such a hold on you. But they will also free you.
The strongest Christian men are not those who never hunger, but those who know where to take their hunger. As you commit to the practice of self-denial through prayer and fasting, trust that God is at work beneath the surface, training your will and reshaping your desires. Show up. Stay faithful. And let God do the forming.
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