This is the Longest I have Experienced Freedom

My name is Thaddeus Kennedy, and I was born in 1983. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old and I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome when I was 11.

I recall my first experience with trauma when my dad broke into our house and had an altercation with my mom. My twin brother called the police and our dad was arrested. That image has haunted me for years.

I grew up going to church and was first baptized when I was 8 years old, even though I did not fully grasp what gospel meant. Around that same time, I had my first exposure to pornography. This addition led to an incident in high school when I got into an argument with a girl I was dating when she discovered I was watching porn. I responded by going into my bathroom and using a boxcutter to slit my arm. I was taking antidepressants along with medication for Tourettes. Once that happened, I was taken off all medication.

During college, I began drinking to numb the pain of my father not being around and trying to find a place to fit in. I left the church and joined a fraternity where I found people that I believed I could relate to. This, unfortunately, was not the case. Following college, I attended parties and ended up drinking so much one night that I blacked out and drove home. I woke up on my couch with no recollection of how I got there. This freaked me out and became a turning point for me.

I felt drawn to seek answers in church, so I called a friend to ask where his family attended, and began to go. About a month later, right after Christmas, my mom passed away unexpectedly. This broke me. While I was tempted to leave the church again, I was drawn to my new friendships and knew their support would be critical. I eventually began going to another church, went through a discipleship program, professed my faith, and was baptized again.

While attending this church, I met my future wife on a dating website and moved closer to where she was living. We were married and had 4 beautiful children together. We had many issues with communication, and I continued struggling with pornography, which I kept from her. 

Towards the end of our marriage in 2023, I was struggling mentally from being drained at work and at home. I again attempted to end my life. Thankfully, my friends took me to an inpatient hospitalization program. Once completed, I began an outpatient program, but made another suicide attempt. After that incident, my wife convinced me to stay with my brother, and she filed for divorce. This period of time was a huge struggle for me, and all my friends fell away.

For a few weeks, I tried to work with pastors to help with communication and encourage my wife to change her mind, but eventually those efforts turned to silence. I fell into a deep despair until one day someone messaged me on Instagram. What I believed to be the start of a new relationship turned out to be a romance scam that cost me thousands of dollars, putting me into deep debt. I struggled to keep my head above water.

Then, in June of 2025, I lost my car in a car accident and lost my job. This led me to another attempt to end my life. I returned to an inpatient care hospitalization and then lived with my brother until I could get into a better mental state. Once at my brother’s house, I was able to find work and am now slowly making progress to get myself into a better financial situation.

In October of 2025, I felt drawn to get connected to an online community of men. I did some research and came across The Redeemed. I was unsure at first, but I went to the Starting Point Session and felt this might be helpful for me. After my first group session, I was blown away by the support of the men in the group and thankful for the conversations. I have since received a car, allowing me to see my kids again after 8 long months. That was such a blessing from this community.

The growth I’ve seen in my life since becoming a part of The Redeemed community is beyond anything I could have imagined. I am, as of today, 100 days porn-free. This is the longest I have experienced freedom from my addiction. I look forward to attending many other groups and continuing to grow in my faith with this community.

We all have our trials and struggles. It is truly how we deal with them and where our trust is that makes all the difference. As long as we fully trust in God and what he has done for us, then all things will be possible. I have no clue where the rest of my life will lead me, but I do know that it is in God’s hands and that I fully trust him more than ever.

If you are ever struggling, remember, God is only a prayer away and will never leave your side if you put your trust in him.