Healing After Betrayal: Finding Hope and Trusting God Again

About

Dalton Nunamaker was on a nine-month Army deployment, living in a tent in a field in Poland, when he experienced a crippling one-two emotional punch. First his parents told him they were divorcing over issues of alcoholism and infidelity. Then just a few months later, Dalton discovered his wife of less than a year had been unfaithful while he was overseas.

Dalton admits that, as he dealt with the trauma of those betrayals, he’d “given up on [God’s] goodness.” But finding community with The Redeemed, and hearing other men tell their own stories of recovery from betrayal, helped him see that his pain wasn’t pointless. Dalton relates his story to Paul Amos in this week’s episode, offering advice for men as they struggle with their own emotional low points and try to rebuild trust both in other people and in God.

Show Notes

Segment chapters

Think about it

Sit with these before you say anything out loud.

Resisting forgiveness.

(18:30) Reflect on a time when you fiercely resisted forgiving someone who had wronged you. What did you want most during that period? Did you, like Dalton, want the other person to experience some of the pain they had caused you? What helped you begin releasing your anger and desire for revenge to God? Romans 12:17-19

How I was wronged:

What I wanted—right or wrong:

What helped me get from hate to hope:

The lingering trauma of love lost.

(27:30) Think back to the most painful relationship breakup you’ve ever experienced. What kind of person were you in the aftermath of that breakup? Did you find it difficult to trust in other people? When did you decide you were finally in a good enough place emotionally and spiritually to pursue a meaningful romantic relationship again? Psalm 147:3

How a bad breakup changed me:

How my trust issues manifested:

How I decided I was willing to trust again:

Talk it out

These are worth saying out loud in a group, with a brother, or with God himself.

The betrayal I never saw coming.

(12:28) Have you ever been betrayed by someone such as a parent, sibling, or spouse whom you trusted so much you didn’t think they’d ever be capable of doing something like that? What was your reaction when you found out about the betrayal? What parts of your life looked completely different once you’d discovered it? Psalm 55:12–14, 22

Believing, but not trusting.

(13:15) Unpack Dalton’s statement that “I never gave up on God, but I gave up on His goodness.” Have you ever been through a particularly difficult time when you struggled to believe that God was good or trustworthy, even though you still believed in Him? How did you wrestle honestly with God in that season, and what helped you begin trusting His character again? Psalm 13:1–2, 5–6

Opening up about inner pain.

(22:35) Thinking back to the betrayals and difficult times you discussed earlier, who did you talk to about those struggles? Did anyone help you navigate those hard times by sharing their own story of struggle with you? Likewise, did you try to help anyone else by sharing your story with them? If not, why were you reluctant to do so? James 5:16

Take action

Don’t let this stay in your head. Do something with it.

Finding the will to lead.

(9:41) Are you someone who typically jumps at the chance to take on leadership roles, or are you more likely to find them intimidating? Has that attitude changed over the course of your life? If you’ve been reluctant to assume leadership roles, what would someone have to do or say to convince you to accept one? 2 Corinthians 12:9

How the prospect of leadership makes me feel:

What I’d need to be assured of before I took the leap:

Never too broken.

(32:14) Have you ever pulled away from God during a difficult time because you felt “too broken” to come to Him? What stands out to you about Dalton’s reminder that we can bring our pain honestly to God rather than hiding it from Him? Psalm 34:17–18

Why I felt too broken to come to God:

What Scripture tells me about how God meets us in our brokenness:

Closing

Personal betrayal can damage more than our trust in other people. It can leave us questioning God’s goodness, withdrawing from Him, or wondering whether He hears us at all.

Scripture doesn’t ask us to pretend those wounds don’t hurt. It invites us to bring our anger, grief, questions, and brokenness honestly to God. He is close to the brokenhearted, and because of Jesus, we can approach Him with confidence even in our deepest pain.

God also gives us one another. When we allow trusted brothers to help carry our burdens, our stories can become a source of encouragement for someone walking through similar pain. God does not waste our suffering. He can meet us in it, redeem what has been broken, and even use the comfort we have received to help us comfort others.

Psalm 34:18; Hebrews 4:15–16; 2 Corinthians 1:3–4

Additional resources

Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop