Having Hard Conversations with God—and Each Other
Listen To The Podcast
Listen here or
on your favorite podcast platform
More About The Podcast
About
His 30th birthday was just around the corner, and Nigel Darius was at a crossroads. He felt like he’d worked hard and done the right things in his twenties, but he didn’t have anything to show for it. He asked God for a new path and a new opportunity, but when God asked him, “Do you believe I can give them to you?” he realized the answer was “No.” Or perhaps more accurately, “Not yet.”
From the turmoil of that challenging year, Nigel built a new, stronger relationship with God, and learned lessons about faith, independence, creativity, and community that he shares with Nate Dewberry in this week’s episode of The Redeemed Man. Nigel offers insight into how men can express themselves honestly and broach challenging conversations without driving other people away; he also warns of the dangers of “hyperindependence,” stressing that no matter how independent we want to feel, we’ll always need the wisdom, support, and companionship of others. It’s an episode full of thought-provoking questions you’ll want to share with the important people in your life.
Show Notes
Segment chapters
0:00 Intro/Nigel’s year of spiritual struggle
6:49 Why we have to be willing to question our faith
11:48 No matter how independent we want to feel, we still need others
19:05 Embracing “the discomfort of vulnerability”
24:22 What Nigel is grateful for—and what he’s still waiting for
30:01 The challenges men face in embracing their creative sides
35:39 Expressing ourselves in a way that uplifts our neighbors
42:40 The need to understand the context—and the audience
Snippets/excerpts
1:30 to 2:32—Nigel arrives at a crossroads on the cusp of his thirties
7:31 to 8:14—Complacency leads to stagnation; we have to be willing to question our faith from time to time
12:21 to 13:22—The spiritual dangers of “hyperindependence”
32:32 to 33:25—The biggest challenge creative people face in 2026: overcoming the fear of sharing difficult truths
Think about it
Sit with these before you say anything out loud.
Assessing your life at a major milestone.
(1:33) If you’re over 30, think back to where you were in life as you prepared to enter your thirties. Were you happy with where you were? Were you optimistic? Did you feel satisfied with the way you had spent your twenties? If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” what was the reason? What did you feel like you were missing?
What I saw when I looked back on my life:
What I felt like I was still lacking:
Am I on the right path?
(1:54) If you haven’t turned 30 yet, how would you describe your level of satisfaction with life right now? Think about the goals you’ve set for yourself and where you want to be at age 30—do you feel like you’re on track to get there?
Where I am now:
Where I want to be:
Talk it out
These are worth saying out loud in a group, with a brother, or with God himself.
When “no” turned out to be the right answer.
(6:24) Has there been a time in your life when you prayed fervently to God for something and didn’t receive it—but now, with the benefit of hindsight, you realize God may have had a reason? Were you unready, not mature enough, wanting that blessing for the wrong reasons? Did you have to make a change in your life or belief system before things started to fall into place like they did for Nigel?
Sometimes solo isn’t the best way to fly.
(14:54) What was the period in your life when independence was most important to you—when you were most concerned with not looking like you needed other people? Was that period of life fulfilling for you? If not, how could you have benefited from being more willing to accept the help and community of others?
The freedom to be—and to be real.
(21:46) When you were growing up, how much freedom did you have to express who you really were and what you were really feeling? Do you think that’s affected your willingness to be honest or vulnerable as an adult?
Take action
Don’t let this stay in your head. Do something with it.
Finding the courage to get real with the Lord.
(10:51) In your prayers and conversations with God, how willing are you to ask questions of him? Have you been reluctant to do so because you’re afraid it’ll sound like you’re challenging God? What’s a question you’d like to ask him right now?
What’s keeping me from asking God the tough questions:
What I’d like to ask God now:
Closing
Anytime we express ourselves or ask a tough question, there’s a risk of conflict. Sometimes other people aren’t prepared to listen to our point of view. Other times, we might be so intent on getting our own point across that we don’t take into account the feelings of others. But as Nigel explains, there are ways to ask tough questions and state difficult truths without abandoning our God-given duty to be peacemakers.
(33:27) Do you have a creative idea occupying your mind—a novel, a poem, a painting, a song, or anything else—that you’ve been reluctant to share with the rest of the world? Are you worried that the truths expressed in that creative piece won’t be received well by others? Talk about that idea, and your worries about expressing it, with one or two men you trust. You might find a better reception than you were expecting.
Additional Resources
We Say Shalom: 40 Words to Cultivate Curiosity and Connection
Search Podcasts
Enjoyed This Episode?
Discover more inspiring episodes of The Redeemed Man Podcast wherever you tune in!
Share This Podcast
Sign up for updates
When you sign up for this mailing list, you’ll receive regular updates for The Redeemed.
More From The Redeemed Man Podcast
The Freedom That Comes with Obeying God
Let’s face it, obedience isn’t a fun topic for most of us. Between an American ethos that prizes individualism and innovation, a culture that pushes indulgence, and a natural human desire to be free from control, we don’t like to feel compelled to follow anyone else’s rules. So how do we break down that resistance and embrace obedience to God? And how can we build in ourselves a desire to heed God’s word, rather than just doing so out of grudging obligation?
Forgiveness Is Messy…but It’s Worth It
Micah Davis has more experience with forgiveness than he probably ever wanted to have. The hurtful words spoken over him as a child that stuck with him throughout adolescence, the betrayals by both his father and his godfather, the family secrets that only came to light years later—all of them forced Micah to confront emotional pain at a relatively early age and weigh the cost of reconciliation.
From ESPN to a Leap of Faith
For 17 years Jason Romano had what many American men would consider a dream job: working at ESPN producing shows ranging from College Gameday to Monday Night Football broadcasts. So why did he leave it behind to make less money at a startup podcast? For Jason, it was simple: he realized he was drawing too much of his identity from work and not enough from Christ.
