Steps to Marriage Restoration

While each marriage is complex and unique, there are some steps married couples can take to begin to restore their relationship.
crying angry woman sits on couch next to annoyed man, steps to marriage restoration

The restoration of a marriage is highly complex and vastly unique to each couple’s specific set of circumstances. While no single article can address every distinct situation couples may face, there are some things married couples can consider to help restore their relationship.  

Remember What Marriage is About

Matthew 19:5 says:  

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Marriage is about joining two people together in every aspect of their lives –  becoming one fleshBecoming unified in life and goals for the future. Often we forget this basic principle of a shared life and begin to make marriage about having physical needs met, parenting, societal expectations, or even tax incentives. To help restore your marriage, get back to the basics of a shared life.

Repent

No one likes to evaluate their own contribution to marital troubles. Sometimes it is hard to see past the hurt and take an honest look at your own heart. If you truly want to begin to restore your marriage, repentance is the first step toward healing. Ask God to help you search your own heart and reveal your sins.  

Give Grace

Often one of the biggest issues married couples face is expecting their partner to think like they do. Acknowledging your differences and having grace to consider you may be wrong will go a long way to restoring a marriage.

Forgive

Inaccurate perceptions of what a marriage should look like, or how a husband or wife should look or act leads to unrealistic expectations. Such expectations then further lead to shame and resentment. The ability to look past what you may consider to be imperfections and see your spouse as they truly are allows you to be grateful and see the blessings they bring to the relationship.

Communicate

Honest communication is essential for a healthy marriage. When communicating with your spouse you should be gentle and patient. Try your best not to get defensive and lash out.

James 1:19-20 tells us: 

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Both people in a relationship should be able to speak freely and feel safe sharing their thoughts. Listen attentively and try to understand what your partner is saying with sympathy instead of dismissing their feelings or actively looking for what is “wrong” with what they have to say.

Invest in an Intimate Relationship with God

Having a personal, intimate relationship with God helps prepare a person to love, forgive, pray and fight for your marriage.  

Mark 10:9 says:

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

The Bible is clear that marriages are intended to be unbreakable and should be respected and revered by both parties. Trust God and let Him guide you in your marriage. Marriages are intended to be lifelong commitments that require love, devotion, selflessness, and kindness. Take heart and remember God can restore that most broken of relationships.  
 
Reading and studying the scripture can help reconnect your mind with God. Below are some scriptures for you to study and meditate on while praying over the restoration of your marriage.  

The goal of The Redeemed is to provide men a supportive, communal environment where they can discuss their problems, worries, and feelings of “brokenness” without fear of being judged or censored. 

In these challenging, uncertain times, many men feel broken and alone. The Redeemed aims to show them they’re not alone in their brokenness, and that God’s love and strength are available to them too—not in spite of their human failings, but because.

If you would like to tell your story, talk, have someone listen, or surround yourself with those who have experienced brokenness and restoration, please contact The Redeemed

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The Redeemed founder Paul Amos offers his personal reflections on the meaning of redemption and how we can walk in Christ’s footsteps even in challenging times.

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