How Jesus Handled His Emotions
It seems the question of manhood is everywhere in the news. Along with it, a growing insecurity: Am I enough for the people in my life? As a man, Jesus experienced the full breadth of human emotion. As God’s son, he handled his emotions with divine wisdom. Today we’re talking about what we can learn from Jesus’ example about living in right relationship with our emotions.
Why are we talking about emotions?
To begin with, I present to you the world’s shortest case for why we should care about our emotions as Christians. In the words of theologian and writer Klaus Issler,
Because our emotional reactions and outbursts give us important clues to the hidden deeps of our soul, we must attend to them if we wish to make progress in growing a tender heart receptive to God.
God made us emotional beings because he is himself a God of emotion. Naming just a few, we see God’s joy (Nehemiah 8:10), frustration (Ephesians 4:30), and above all, love (1 John 4:8) shine throughout the Bible.
Like his Father, Jesus experienced the full spectrum of human emotion. Kory Capps of From the Fray ministry put together a wonderful breakdown of 30 emotions Jesus experienced that gives us a picture of what that looked like. Today though, we’re going to focus on something kind of unusual: the ways Jesus chose not to express his emotions.
Unlike us, Jesus’ emotional processing and expression never crossed into sin. Because of this, it can be just as helpful to examine those methods of expression Jesus never used: shame, arrogance, and repression.
The truth about shame
As a perfect man, Jesus did not carry guilt. More to our point, he did not express shame. Guilt is a natural and godly response to wronging someone (Romans 3:23). Shame, however, is something extra. In fact, it’s doing as I have just done and quoting the condemnation of Romans 3:23 without joining it with the joy and mercy of the next verse: “and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (v. 23-24). As Daniel DeWitt said in an article for The Gospel Coaltion,
Guilt is usually tied to an event: I did something bad. Shame is tied to a person: I am bad. Guilt is the wound. Shame is the scar. Guilt is isolated to the individual. Shame is contagious.
Shame is actually a problem of trust and identity. Told another way, shame is a problem of fear and pride. God says in his Word that “neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38). The voice of shame denies this truth and leads us to seek forgiveness and belonging elsewhere.
How Jesus handled shame
For a case study on Jesus’ approach to shame, we can look at John 8:1-11. A woman caught in adultery has been brought publicly to be killed by stoning. Note, she is shamed here alone; where is her partner in sin? This is perhaps our first clue as to the split between guilt and shame.
When the religious leaders bring her before Jesus, they lay a trap: does Jesus recommend the woman be killed or should mercy come at the expense of respect for religious law? Jesus’ answer shifts the focus from the woman to those who attempt to use her shame for their own petty ambition. “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her,” he says (John 8:7). Then, Jesus deals kindly but directly with the woman and her guilt.
“Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (v. 10-11).
Here, Jesus refuses to even engage with the Pharisees’ shame game. While easier advised than practiced, we can do the same. When shame accuses us, think about this moment in John 8. Remind yourself or ask the Spirit to tell you again:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. (John 3:16-17)
The basis of our existence is God’s delight in us, his creation. To reject this delight—this sacrifice—in favor of our shame is not wisdom. It is not justice. Deal honestly with your shortcomings; make amends where you can; and surrender the rest—including your identity and worth—to God’s truth: blinding, transformative love.
The truth about arrogance
If anyone in the history of the world were to be justified in arrogance, it would be Jesus. He knew the best way to live, always did right by his loved ones and strangers, and he knew and breathed truth like we can only hope to in heaven. However, in teaching his disciples, rebuking religious leaders’ hypocrisy, and healing confused strangers, Jesus never expressed himself in arrogance.
Oftentimes, claiming authority based on our expertise or social status feel like the safest, most effective way to get a point across. This tactic says, Let my will be done. It’s important to note that the problem here is not the existence of status, knowledge, or experience but the use of it to create a hierarchy with ourselves at the top.
Arrogance divides where Jesus reconciles
Arrogance operates by emphasizing a gap between ourselves and others. We are correct; others are mistaken. We are wise and proactive; others are selfish and petty.
Jesus operates in direct opposition to arrogance by drawing us closer—closer to himself, to our fellow human beings, and to the world God made. Jesus said of his own death and resurrection, “Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself” (John 12:31-32). Where arrogance divides by enlarging the self, Jesus brings all things into right proportions and ever nearer to God.
Repression
Repression is not the same thing as self control and healthy emotional regulation. Self control and wisdom may mean that we choose not to express an emotion in proportion to how we feel it. Repression refuses to accept or even acknowledge reality.
The problem is, repression often seems right. No, I’m not sad because being this sad would be inappropriate or weak or worst of all, impractical. For a very long time, I thought denying to myself or others what I’m feeling was a mark of strong character. Never angry, never debilitatingly sad, never inconvenient.
In actuality, denying what I’ve felt never makes that feeling go away or even really helps the people I’m trying to protect. In fact, it often worsens matters.
Refusing to engage with our emotions puts distance between us and who God made us to be. It stops us from communicating effectively with loved ones and can trick us into believing we are perfectly rational, moral beings facing off against a world of confusion, drama, and nonsense.
Our emotions and the tension we hold with them are real. Full stop. Before we even get to wondering if they’re good or bad, they are. To pretend otherwise makes no more sense than trying to hang laundry out to dry in a hurricane.
Conclusion
There’s so much we can learn from Jesus’ example, not only what he chose to do and say but also what he chose not to. In shame, arrogance, and repression, we see ways of distancing us from God, others, and even ourselves. But Jesus lived, died, and rose again so we could have life to the full (John 10:10)!
Managing and expressing emotion is a life-long work, and thankfully we do it in partnership with the Holy Spirit, who intercedes in “groans too deep for words” (Romans 8:26). But thanks be to God that we also have the opportunity to grow with fellow believers. We can learn from one another and practice our patience, compassion, and courage together as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
If you’re looking for such a group, we recommend signing up for a Starting Point Session or finding a Redeemed small group. In our small groups, you’ll find brothers with whom to take up the good fight, partners in accountability, encouragement, and transformation.
Emotions are often described as a tangle for a reason. Take them on with the right tools and the right team.
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If you’re inspired to practice building lasting relationships and would like to journey alongside like-minded believers, consider joining one of The Redeemed’s small groups. Whether you prefer meeting in person or connecting online, our community is here to support and grow with you.
Join us and discover how our relationships make us stronger than ever.
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